The paparazzi were hunting in Miami this weekend … as in taking pictures of J-Lo through her hotel window at the Fountainbleu. Because that’s not at all creepy. So I turned the tables on them.

I was actually staying at the Fountainbleu as well, and may end up in those shots …

My friends and I were in the Fountainbleu hot tub when a tatted up dude and a 300 pound one got in the hot tub with us and started chatting, commenting that they just got back from the strip club … it was 10 a.m. You know how that goes: “Where are you from?” (He said he was from Fresno), “What do you do?” I told him I worked in radio and when asked what he did he said and I quote, “I do whatever the bleep I want.” And the big guy said, “and I make sure my clients do it safely.”

We rolled our eyes and got out of the hot tub to head to the beach when I saw a ton of paparazzi taking pictures towards the pool and the penthouse balcony, which apparently J-Lo was staying in. Then it occurred to me, the unidentified cocky guy in the hot tub with a bodyguard in tow was Casper Smart. So if I show up in a gossip magazine as an unidentified woman hot-tubing with J-Lo’s boy toy, that’s why.